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The Seven Kinds of Freaks in every Gym

cyanide and happiness gym

cyanide and happiness gym

In the corporate park that has half a floor of a Wing, dedicated to the company I work for there’s a common Gym. A few committed individuals turn up in gym to do their bit about desk jobs, junk food, bulging bellies, flabby bums, lack of social life and what not.

In my few months stint at the gym, I have made some curious observations which I am happy to share with you, my dear reader. Take whatever you read with a pinch of salt or garlic. No matter what you take here are some of the type of people and their behavior I have taken the pleasure to observe and record.

  1. The guy who shouts a lot (Alas! after three months still no muscles show up):

    This guy shouts so hard lifting weights as if the only part getting worked out is his throat. Embarrassed by the noises, a few poor muscles show up but only for a while. Then they are like duh! Back to normal.

  2. The stud who follows regime religiously:

    This guy knows his shit, wouldn’t talk much, only smile, nod, do his stuff and leave in silence. He follows the unwritten rules of the gym like keeping stuff back at its place, helping other folks whenever required.

  3. The trainer who exclusively trains women:

    Now that’s no surprise you would say. If men had the option to pick who to train, it would always be the opposite sex. But no, this guy goes to extents one can only imagine. Consider these scenarios-

    #1 – A new guy comes to the gym and walks up to the trainer seeking advice, he tells some stuff. At most he would demo it once and it ends. 

    #2 A lady enters the gym; the very second trainer spots her he gets all charged up and goes up to her like a sniffer dog to RDX. Now he is a personal trainer to the lady. When she’s in, he’s busy as hell; guys don’t even exist for him anymore.

    Once in a blue moon–> Guy 1 is getting trained by the trainer
    …Moments later…
    Guy 2 to Guy 1 What’s wrong? Did you wear a ladies perfume today?

  4. The guy who visibly lost weight and gained respect:

    It is commendable to witness weight loss that is intentional, done in a gym, sweating, running and exercising. Imagine the sheer volume of people that are obese, out of those who want to lose fat, then those who act upon it, then the fraction who succeed. This guy’s transformation isn’t an Ambani’s son kind of fat loss; it is merely an evidently visible tummy to no more bulging out belly. Even though he only lost a few kgs his dedication is inspiring.

  5. The girl with faultless moves:

    Watch this girl working out and play a voice-over in your head commenting live on her movements, it becomes a youtube video. The only difference is the girl is in front of you, the video is live. She’s impeccably moving dumbbells to and fro, up and down, inclining on yoga mat, rolling legs over ball, gosh!  She is a constant source of inspiration in gym for guys and girls alike, more so for guys, obvious reasons apply.

  6. The guy who’s not shy of ogling at women:

    Two chaps working out in gym, one guy checks out a girl then looks at the other guy, both smile. Now that’s how it usually happens between blokes, right? But wait no, there’s this one guy who stares at the ladies. He doesn’t smile when caught, he continues to stare for as long as it makes the lady, others uncomfortable. He makes you cringe loud inside. He deserves a punch in the face with a 20kg dumbbell.

  7. The uncle who thinks he can do better but farts while kicking:

    Dear Uncle, first of all kudos for getting into the gym but that stiff upper lip attitude of a British isn’t helping your cause. This uncle acts as if he’s the best there is, sadly it ain’t the case. He is fat, rude and his demeanor clumsy. It is best to let him be, ignore or exceptionally laugh, period.

While there are other characters in gym as well I chose to write about these seven for they were the ones I distinctly recall. Wherever we go, whoever we meet there are some peculiarities we see, notice and distinguish people on them. Who knows may be someone else has classified me as some guy at the gym narcissistic who never ceases to show-off. (that’s not me BTW 😛 )

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